Tag to 9X19
by Albert Baker
Summary: A conversation I wish would have happened.


Tag to 9X19 by Albert Baker

_(Supernatural belongs to Eric Kripke, the WB and the CW-I am just playing around,)_

He'd chosen to walk the longest route back to the motel from the store. They'd decided to lay over one night after completing the case with Sheriff Mills. Well, _he_ had decided. He was exhausted and needed to sleep in a real bed. If Dean had his way, they would have driven all night back to the Bunker.

It was a restless night's sleep, with Sam waking every few hours to find his brother in a chair watching TV or listening to music through his headphones. Sam doubted that Dean slept more than two hours a night, if any. When Sam finally decided to get up, he used the need for a grocery run as an excuse to take some time away from Dean to clear his head. When Dean insisted Sam wait until he was done showering and the Impala was packed, Sam countered with a plan to walk to the store and be back by the time Dean was ready to leave. His big brother looked decidedly unhappy-or was it angry ?- but acquiesced.

Frowning, Sam shook his head and hefted the two bags higher. The bags were actually starting to feel heavy. Just like everything else that weighed him down, they made him feel weak.

_Pathetic. _

He knew his run-in with vampire family and resultant blood loss was the primary cause of his weakness, but it wasn't the only one. He recalled the year when he'd met Amelia. No training save an occasional run and a few push ups. He'd felt good. Physically healthy. Now, he struggled to keep on weight. Since the Trials, he'd tried to get back to form.

_Well, at least I think I did-I remember some running, but as far as anything else-hard to say what the Angel was doing. _ _The Angel who possessed me._ _The Angel who used me to kill Kevin._

There it was again-there hadn't been a day that Sam didn't think about the young profit. Sam had such hope that Kevin would be able to eventually escape the life they lived and return to his studies. It was the same hope Sam had once had for himself. Seeing the similarities between them only increased the guilt. He should have known there was no way out for Kevin, just as Sam knew that death was the only escape for himself. He'd known it in his heart for some time. It was the only way to end the ever lengthening trail of death that followed the Winchesters. He knew it would be impossible for Dean to understand and accept-and he was right. When Dean saw Sam welcome death, his brother had allowed an Angel to possess him in order to keep him alive. That decision infuriated Sam in ways he could not bear to examine. All of the times he had been manipulated and controlled came rushing back to bury him. He thought that the Trials would purify him-that he would finally be just, _Sam_. Free. Instead, a horrific chain of events had led to Kevin's death and nearly destroyed Sam's trust in his brother. _Nearly_.

Sam's stomach clenched, his concern about Dean growing by the minute. He saw the darkness growing as clearly and painfully as any of the visions from his youth. It was now overshadowing the guilt over killing Kevin and his anger toward Dean for allowing the possession. The Mark of Cain was on Dean's arm. It was a mark of savage power. Sam could feel it when he was next to his brother. What was it Cas had asked? _"Why must Winchesters always run toward death ?"_

Lost in his thoughts, Sam hardly noticed the police car pulling up beside him.

"Hey Sam! Need a lift?" Sheriff Mill's voice was a welcome sound.

Sam stopped and answered with a wide smile, "Jody!". He gratefully placed his grocery bags in the back seat and climbed in next to Sheriff Mills.

"I thought you and Dean would be long gone by now," Jody smiled giving Sam a sideways glance as she pulled back into traffic.

"Yeah, we would be if Dean had his way. I just really felt like sleeping in a bed and not the Impala last night," Sam answered. "How is Alex doing?"

"She is doin' okay, you know? She has a lot to work through, but she's a tough kid. She was still sleeping when I left this morning. "

"And now she has you. She's a lucky girl," Sam said thoughtfully.

Coming to a stoplight, Jody looked Sam over, noting his pale face and worried expression.

"You feeling okay, Sam? Maybe we should have a doc look you over. Those vamps drained you of a lot of blood. I'm surprised that big brother of yours let you walk this far alone this morning."

"No, no doctor needed. But thanks, Jody," Sam answered softly.

The Sheriff frowned. "Sam, you know I couldn't help but notice how tense you and Dean are around each other. And Dean...well, he just seems so angry…"

"I know, Jody," Sam interrupted, "He's going through some stuff and it's changing him, and I have to figure out how to stop it. It's the curse of being a Winchester and I feel like I keep spinning my wheels and.."

"Sam!" Jody said firmly. "You gotta take care of your brother. _That's _what being a Winchester is all about!" Her voice then softened, " But while you do that, you have to take care of yourself too."

Jody took a deep breath as she pulled up to the motel. She watched Dean stuffing bags in the Impala's trunk. Turning to Sam, she saw him readying to open his door. She placed her hand on his forearm, stopping him.

"Sam, I can see you two are knee deep in something serious again. It scares me to know you are facing something big while things are, how did you put it? 'Touch and go' ?"

Sam grimaced nervously as he realized how transparent they were to the Sheriff. "It's okay, Jody. Really..we'll be fine. We…."

"Stop, Sam." Jody placed her hand on his and looked him in the eye. "You have faced so much already. I know you would walk through hell for your brother. I suspect you already have. And he has done the same for you. You guys _need_ each other. And that's okay. It's _okay_, Sam. You can need your brother and still be your own person. You just have to keep working on Dean. As long as you're his brother, he'll be okay. _You_ can help him, Sam. You're the person who can do it. You have to see that."

Sam's eyes teared slightly, but he recovered. "I wish I could be sure."

"Hey! You two ever getting out of there? Come on, Sam, we have to get going!"

At the sound of Dean's voice next to the car, Sam opened the door and went to the back seat to grab the grocery bags.

Jody rolled down her window and grinned. "Why in such a hurry, Dean? You boys should stick around and come by tonight for some home cooking with me and Alex."

"Sorry Jody." Dean shook his head. "It sounds tempting, but we gotta get back. Glad we were able to help here." He walked back to the Impala and got in.

Sam approached Jody's window carrying the two bags of groceries. He gave her a sad but grateful smile. "Thanks for the lift. You be sure to call us again if you run into any more of our kind of trouble."

Jody nodded. "I will. Seems like that's the only way I get to see you two."

Sam added, "Thanks for the advice, too."

Smiling , Jody started her car. "Remember, Sam. You're the one who can do it."

END


End file.
